I wish all this never happened.

A letter to my "Loved Ones"

A letter to my "Loved Ones"

I wish all this never happened.

Everyday every second has become a burden.I guess i have no place here and probably never will just because I’m not like my friends and brothers…

I wish i had been like others even if i regretted it. At least i don’t have to see my loved ones cry day and night for me…

Oh God,please help me.Please divert a little attention to my life and set all things right.People just talk and talk.. I just implement those and is there anything wrong is doing so ? I know not, but the way things work,i dunno how many talented people who are loosing their passion in the whole process.I’m not a genius,but it doesn’t mean that i have to be a genius to keep mine.

I beg you all.I have given false hopes to many around me.I can’t do anything but say sorry that I’ll still keep doing what i like to do.I may not be successful but at least i can be proud of what I’ve done.

Family you say? I have turned everyone into my enemies or is it just that I’m an enemy because i do what i like.

Do i become an idiot if i let loose my thoughts? Do i become a spoilt child if i let my emotions out through music.I have a clear answer to all this.But i wonder what it makes them think I’m wrong or ruining my life.

A little attention to things which i love to do would be fine.All i ask is some space,have a good chat apart from my weakness and for once my strengths…

I might never be here to witness those.But at least i want you to realise what it’s all about.

Let me play the piano.I don’t have to be Mozart to play it.Let me exercise my thoughts.I don’t have to be an Einstein to do it.Let me sketch my feelings, I don’t have to be Shakespeare to do it …. I just want to be myself.

Passion is probably a wrong word for you,for i’m not successful at anything at the moment,your not a genius at anything,you say? Let me at least die trying being one and foremost at least letting be myself.

I would love to hear you say that your proud of me.. that’s it….Did i ask a lot? A friendly talk would do it.Why a war over it ?? Please tell me .. I don’t have all my life worrying about you,even though i wouldn’t hesitate to.

Let me dance in the melody of music,in the warmth sun and the knowledge i wish to gain no matter where..

Just wait..Please i beg of you..Just wait.. I want to make you happy and proud of me for once.

Goodbye! And i hopefully will not ruin your lives again!

Thanking You
Yours lovingly,
Your Son

Here I am ….. My love!

Here I am...My Love

Here I am...My Love

I look at her for the first time.Something tells me she isn’t like others for some reason i can’t reason out the girlish behaviour of her. What is this…

Her eyes glaring with elegance and so charming that even the purest of stones would envy them.Nothing else can get close to her’s.It’s probably something out of the world, a foreign element from another planet. Perhaps, that is the most sane theory that someone can reason out!

She still re-collects those memories,just hoping they never had been the way they were.But soon realising that things cannot be changed.The world pushes her to comeback from the errand.I wish i could tell her,”Look at yourself! It’s he who made you strong! Be proud of him”.I’ll probably tell her at the most oppurtunite moment or never..It’s her will that decides it.I’ll wait for her,I’ll just wait for now…

The smile on her face is so infectious,Each and everytime i look at her,it brings back my memories with her,everything and anything about her zaps into my head and then i start off with the delirious smiling all of a sudden.That certainly is magic! I don’t know how but it always does.

I patiently wait everyday to talk to her.Not minding even if it took 12 hours just for a 15 minutes conversation because that will be something to cherish for in the coming weeks…

Sometimes i struggle to solve my problems all by myself.She just finds them to be simple problems and understands them with ease and gives a nimble reply! It’s the same thing other way round.Probably we are meant to be together or just a misconception on my side.Either way,for the first time i process the world “destiny” and “fate”,not really sure if it’s goning to be true.

I dream about her when I’m alone,her smiles,her expressions,her charm..It’s just too beautiful for me to resist.A very distant memory of her spurs an energy inside which gives me the strength to stand up and be patient for everything and anything.

She is so right! She is always right for some reason.She isn’t like the others..She is defintely different.

What is this? Is this Love ? If this is what it is.Then I’ll just wait for her to reciprocate my feelings for her,no matter how long,the only thing i fear would be the deficiency of character in me and I don’t wish to change myself for her to look at me.I wish she is always happy and joyful like the days i remember.

I wonder what is her energy is it someone else or me which gives her the energy.For if i had been in her place,I would have been broken and the world would just seem too bad.I wish for all the good and happiness in the world for here…She derderves it!

As far as I’m concerned,I’m just a friend of her and probably will remain like that for ever…

Here I am my love,Waiting for you in my fool’s paraside just waiting for you and nothing else other than you.I’m incomplete without you….. here I am!

The taste of a Grand Piano.

Beautiful and Amazing Piano

Beautiful and Amazing Piano

Finally tasted a Grand Piano!

Today is probably the best day for me!I have been to sulakshan’s house and i was waiting nearly 6 months to play on his grand piano but circumstances have always kept us apart from each other.School and exams probably the biggest reasons!

There is only one this that can be told about it!…AMAZING and BEAUITIFUL!

I have a keyboard but it’s no where close to it! … Ever! The first note which i played on his piano along with the pedal was just tooo beautiful for anything in the world!the sound of the strings and the meoldy of them resonating in hyperspace was “Living a Dream” sensation which can only be brought about music.

If you have not heard it then i don’t think you can ever understand it.If you did I’m quite sure you’ll be amazed even more by it!

I could go on and on and on but the fresh melodies and the hammers hitting the string is one of the purest sounds which can never be compared to the modern age songs.

It was a dream of mine to play on a grand piano,after i heard a few songs on it! I just couldn’t resist the temptation  !But i guess my temptation to play still remains :p

While my friends where busy playing i didn’t really mind playing it for like ever as long as i could! And a friend (Sambit) who relished the melody as much as i did and probably I’m now an inspiration for him to play music! I’m proud about that!

Let’s see when I’ll get to play it again! Hoping sometime again in these holidays ;D

God's Reply.

God's Reply

God's Reply

God’s Reply

I see a neverland far beyond my reach
For i can only dream to see it…
Had I been there i would only be dreaming,
Comprehensions at this scale are beyond my level
If i did i would be expriencing it!

I see joy amidst,hoping i would soon,
But ridiculing it would be closet to reality.
I look up,wonder if he really exists but
it being no good resisted me from doing so,
Probably i don’t susbstantiate his gifts…

One last time i ask him to take in what i ask,
Credibly materialistic for once,
I wait for a few months,years…No reply
Only to realise my answer was nign.

I hear echos of soldiers,
Desperate crys in africa for survival,
Vultures diving every second into human habitations,
And say to myself,read it once more!

And soon realise that I have heard him!
Not a name,Not a figure,
Just a breeze of Energy within.
Lost in the distant thoughts,
I soon forget my neverland,still beyond my reach.

This time i thank him,rather ask,
For i with everything dream of neverlands,
They just wait and wait and end before they heed!
I hear you! I hear you! I’ll always hear you…
I’ll say to myself! I always will..

-C.Sai Krishna Deep.

This poem/short write up was an inspiration at the long queq at the Tirupathi waiting for 4 long hours.This had brought this out of me.A mixtures of most of my emotions and probably any other person who wanted to experience some hope when all of it is lost.I dedicate this to the person who i care for the most.

“Dreaming my Dreamland!” :P